I don’t know why people call their wooden floors hard wood. Who would use soft wood for their floor? That is ridiculous. I think I’ll make my next floor out of balsa wood just to freak people out when each step they take breaks the floor. “You broke my floor, man. Now you must replace … More You broke my floor!!
I saw this written on a container of Drano: Harmful if swallowed. Who would consume Drano? Drano is for pipes, but the metal or plastic kind. If your throat pipes are clogged, you should see a doctor. And then check into a mental institution. There’s something wrong with you. Even if a person can’t read, … More Don’t drink that Drano!
One day bananas look, taste and smell great and the next day, the banana’s toxic fumes will try to kill you. Bananas should not ferment. Children eat them. I don’t think kids should be getting high off of bananas. They also come with stickers attached. I don’t need reading material on my banana. I think … More Don’t eat the bananas!!Don’t eat the bananas!!
I’m learning how to slice food with one of those ‘As seen on tv’ gadgets one finger at a time. I finally threw it away. I’m a bleeder. I don’t think having perfectly sliced cucumbers is worth bleeding out. I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. I’ve used the thing three times resulting in … More Somebody get me a tourniquet!
I’m in the mood for some silly duck jokes. What do a bike and a duck have in common? They both have a handlebar except for the duck. What does a duck have in common with a Ming Vass? Neither is a lamp. There ya go. When I lived in Eureka, California, our neighbors were … More These ducks can’t fly!
Our popcorn air popper died last night, so Heather used her blow dryer instead. I was amazed at how great it worked. I do wish she had used butter instead of gel and hairspray, though. That part was gross. I can remember a time when there were only a couple of ways people popped corn. … More This hair gel is disgusting!!
About a year ago, I happened upon a scene I’ll never forget. It was on a rainy Thursday night.. Wait it couldn’t have been a Thursday because that’s poker night. Anyway, it was downtown and… Wait, it couldn’t have been downtown because I don’t drive or take the bus. Actually, I don’t even recall what … More I don’t drive!!
I think I’ll run for president in 2024. I’m just as qualified as any of the front runners in any party. I made $1.2B last year and got a tax refund, been married 4 times. I’ve sent thousands of emails from my private server and I have an uncle who lives in Moscow, Idaho. I’m … More I’m running for president!
Words never heard, anywhere: I can’t wait for the next Steve Guttenberg movie! Ok, that’s mean and it’s not his fault. In fact and more to the point, he’s not a good actor, but he ended up landing quite a few juicy movie gigs. That’s great marketing on his or his agent’s part. I’m really … More Don’t say that!!
My friend Steve really needed a new laptop for college but he also wanted to ‘pop the question’ to his girlfriend. He took her to dinner and surprised her on one knee with a beautiful engagement ring. Then he asked, “Megan, will you do me the honor of buying me a new laptop?” I don’t … More The answer is no!!
Jerry Mabbott's Blog 